There’s nothing like a good conservative power trip.
April 30, 2008
There’s nothing like a good conservative power trip.
A conservative power trip decimates the land, ripping out harmful personal freedoms where they have taken root after years and years in the fertile soil of our checks and balances.
Liberal reforms are always filled with fanciful delights just out of reach. “Let everyone vote in our democracy, health care for all, help the underprivileged;” it’s all too easy. Of course you’ll get bipartisan support for something everyone can get behind.
The real challenge lies in taking away Americans’ precious freedoms.
In the past few years, American conservatives scored our biggest victory yet when we snuffed out cigarettes, eliminating public smoking in many states, including Ohio.
If American allegiance can shift away from King Tobacco, one of our oldest and dearest friends, perhaps our fear-mongering scare tactics can work on some other apparently harmless freedom.
I say we start with motorcycles.
Motorized bicycles have always been one of my many banes. They are loud, unsafe and carry the type of unsavory character unfit to be mentioned in sacred newspaper print.
Motorcyclists zoom by with their exhausts spitting out some of the most vile fumes known to man. I mean, we banned cigarettes because we don’t like the way our clothes smell after a night at a smoky bar. Is motorcycle exhaust any different? Swing by the Smiling Skull Saloon at closing time and you’ll be begging for some secondhand smoke.
All we need is a little science on our side. As long as “a recent study” can be molded to fit our gains, we’ll have complete legitimacy. Take the information out of context and we’ll have a full-blown movement.
It’s a call to arms, science: Get your finest laboratory rats huffing bike exhaust and see how quickly the tumors roll in. Soon enough, “Motorcycles cause cancer” will be plastered on every newspaper from here to the shores of Tripoli.
Motorbikes are not only clogging up our lungs; they’re clogging up parking as well. In a town such as Athens that is having parking problems, can we really afford the spaces allotted to motorcycles? Don’t tell me you haven’t driven down President Street and cursed the two giant motorcycle spots outside Copeland Hall. Think of the glorious cars that could take their place. It could even be yours.
That’s it, feel the jealousy flow inside you. Soon your transformation to the Republican side will be complete. See how the potential subjugation of people can lead to a very small increase in your quality of life?
Banning motorcycles is just a drop in the bucket, really. The power trip itself is more important than whatever we ban. It was cigarettes yesterday and it could be motorcycles today, but the beauty of the conservative power trip movement is that nothing is sacred. If cigarettes and motorcycles can be banned, maybe puppy dogs and smiles will be next.
The lesson for today is: If it annoys you, it can be banned. As the victors, we are the ones who will write history. Will it be a history full of smoke and noise, brought on by the horseless monstrosity of the motorcycles? Or will the future hold the peace and quiet we all need for our afternoon naps?
Chris Yonker is a senior journalism major.
Exhaust him at cy129904@ohiou.edu.
O.K. Here goes, I’m putting myself out on a limb by commenting on this one.
I used to smoke. I know, I know, ex-smokers are the worst kind. But even when I was a smoker, I wouldn’t have minded the no smoking inside public places laws. I didn’t even smoke in my own house, neither did my wife. In Minnesota, we had what was called the Minnesota clean indoor air act in effect way before a statewide ban in all places that included bars went into affect. I got so used to not having to smell stinky ass smoke that I enjoyed it. I believe you should be able to smoke if you want. I don’t dis-agree with that at all. I don’t even dis agree that you should be able to do it in public, just not indoors in a public place. I personally am thankfull that I can go into a bar now without smelling like I smoke myself.
I don’t think that this would ever go as far as taking away the right to ride motorcycles, as we burn the same fuel as cars. Furthermore, I’m from Minnesota, a fairly liberal state that is very progressive with highly tightened down laws on many things, such as insurance, smoking indoors, seat belt laws, no selling full strength liquor in grocery stores, etc. Our motorcycle lobby here is very strong. We have a seatbelt law for cagers, but no helmet law. Therfore I’m not worrying about my right to ride for now anyway.
I do think this is a great topic for discussion however dangerous it is to get involved in a discussion that brings up any kind of politics, and or religion.
Mr. Motorcycle
Thanks for your commentary MM. I actually posted this one in hopes it might stir up a little friendly debate/discussion.
I am not a smoker myself, but I’ve never minded people who do smoke. I guess if I’m in a nice restaurant enjoying a meal then it would annoy me if Mr. and Ms. Black Lung were in the next booth puffing away. But where we live, they’ve even banned smoking in bars. I mean, what’s up? If you can’t go down to your friendly neighborhood watering hole (like Cheers) toss down a couple and light up is nothing sacred?! (just kidding LOL)
Remember the kid who wrote this piece is a journalism student. I guess he’s trying his hand at provoking controversy. That’s one of the tricks in every media persons bag, right? Doesn’t mean I have to like it… We just have to be aware of it and teach our children to be able to discern “poop from shoe polish” if you catch my PG-13 drift…
Thanks so much for your contributions to this site. You have helped breathe new life into it.
Rubber side down, peace, love and light, G-d help us all on January 20, 2009, etc., etc., etc,
Train
I can understand not smoking in a restaurant workplace and indoors. All that but bars. Bars have always been a place from way back when where one could go smoke a pipe cigar cigarette tell jokes complain about the crops work the wife and kids. What ever. I mean it is a bar. People have been smoking for hundreds of years. People go to the bar complain about the smoke have ten beers get in their car and drive home or to the next bar. Now I know smoke stinks to high heaven I hate it and I’m a smoker. But a bar is a bar and all that we do there is what we do. Going there and driving isn’t right either. Now everyone has the right to their opinion just as the young man about motorcycles does. I am not one to walk on eggshells on a subject and I hate political correctness. Just my opinion. That is what makes this country great.
Well, my two cents on the matter is that people who don’t want to be around smoke shouldn’t be.America is about freedom and capitalism.If a restaurant or bar, whatever can’t make money if they allow smoking, they won’t allow it.People have the right to eat, drink, hang out wherever they like.I think it’s possible to have a private area for smokers and a private area for non smokers where one can’t smell or breathe the smoke.People at work should have a comfortable area to smoke if they choose where others are not affected.
It’s never a good thing when government imposes it’s will on the people.The free market determines what works and what doesn’t. Pretty soon we are going to be told what we are allowed to eat, where we are allowed to go,and heaven forbid what we can think and say.We have cameras in most cities watching us, our phone conversations and our email can be monitored”legally” our medical records are not safe. We are told what we can drive, what we can wear,and how much of our hard earned pay the government is taking.We are frisked at the airport by people who don’t speak english.The governments grip on our rights and freedoms tightens every year.America was founded to get away from an abusive government.Our elected officials should remember that as our quality of life and freedoms are being taken away from us.There is a line somewhere and if it is crossed we will go the way of England, Rome, France,Spain,which all were once world powers and closer to the dictatorships, military states and fascist states we reject and fight against all through our history. We need to be very careful, very careful.
Beach
Damn you hit the nail on the head. In NY they already past a law on what you can eat. Trans fats. Just today I read Lee Iacocca wondering what the hell has happened to us. Why are the people not up in arms. On how this country is not what it should be. And he said we should fire all on Capital hill. Damn right and out law lobbyist as Ron Paul said. They run the government with money not we the voter.
Train, Beach, and Knuck,
I don’t necessiarily disagree with your points either, but I feel that along with a smoker’s right to hang out at a bar and smoke, where does the non-smoker’s right to hang out at a bar come in if they don’t want to breathe the smoke. Should we just not go to bars? That is not a very righteous thing to expect from non- smokers. I know restaurants for years before the bans indoors took place had smoking and non-smoking sections, but this did not work, because the air space was never separate. I think if something were done years ago, to actually separate the air spaces, maybe it would not have gone this far.
And Yes, If you don’t want to breathe smoke, don’t go where ther is smoke.
But again, the bars never made that an option, before they were forced to.
Where I’m from it started as a city wide ban in some cities only, then it was unfair because the cities that had the ban lost out on income, so they made it statewide. I don’t think the ban all together was right in the first place, but I do feel that maybe there should have been a seperate smoking area with a separate air space.
Just a thought.
M.M.
I agree with you man!! You have to re-read what I wrote. I said that separate areas with some sort of partition would be a solution.Of course, the establishment(s) would have to feel that this would be profitable for them.Everyone should be able to determine what they think is in the best interest of their business.Non-smokers would breathe clean air and smokers would breathe the air with other smokers.
It’s the government coming in and making the rules that I am against.The free market will decide what works and what doesn’t. That’s the American way and freedom of choice is what America is all about.People have the right to choose where they want to eat, where they want to drink, where they want to hang out, where they want to shop,what they want to eat etc.
This country was founded on the principle of freedom. It’s all right there in the bill of rights and the constitution.Government is elected by the people, paid for by the people and has a specific role. Government does NOT have the right to make decisions for us, tell us how to live, where to go, what to drive,spy on us,tape our private conversations or interfere in the way we live our lives.They are elected to represent all of us.”for the people, by the people” it’s right there.
This country is in real trouble do to the failure of government not the people who live here.We should control the government. The government should not control us.There needs to be laws to protect citizens not for a bunch of politicians telling us how to live.It’s about freedom, period!! Oh yes, there are clubs for cigar smokers. They require membership and they even have rooms to protect their cigars. It must work for them as they are a business and need to have members and make money to stay in business.No one has to join.You pay to join knowing the rules.That’s my America. The freedom to choose.It’s right there on the New Hampshire lisence plate ” Live Free Or Die”.
Beach
All good points.
M.M.